She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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