Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
