dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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