god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
