I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
