Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
