Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
