He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
A bitchslap is in order.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
