rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
