I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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