the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
