my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
two words: eviction party
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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