Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
