i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
