I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
