I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
