Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
