All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
