OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
