I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
