her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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