so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
