LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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