Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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