My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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