i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
