I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
