They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
