Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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