Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
