If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
