im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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