Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
