I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
