He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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