meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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