hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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