I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
How external is "for external use only"?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
