Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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