I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
