I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We need to rekindle our bromance
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
