4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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