Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Randomize
