He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
