UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
