she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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