The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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