The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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