I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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