I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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