i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
