Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
